I have lost everything
by NakAttack
Summary: What if Tessa really had stabbed herself at the end of Clockwork Angel? What would have happened when Will found her in the Sanctuary? {Rated T for partial violence and to not risk anything}


I rushed through the Institute, hurrying to the Sanctuary. _Tessa. Tessa. Tessa._ Her name ran itself repeatedly through his mind, encouraging him to pick up his pace, to push forward faster than he thought he'd ever run before.

 _Mortmain is with Tessa! Who knows what horrific bloody things he could be doing to her? Faster, quicker. I must get to her. Tessa. The beautiful woman I could never allow myself to have._

Will could now spot the tall green Sanctuary doors at the end of the corridor. Before he could properly think, Will had rammed his own body into the door, forcing it off of its hinges and sending the door flying towards the stone floor.

The blue eyes of the young boy fell upon and froze on the scene in front of him. He couldn't move, his feet felt like they were glued in place. _This can't be happening. This isn't real._

As much as he wanted to deny it, he couldn't look away from it. There lay Tessa, the woman he knew he had fallen in love with. There was blood, everywhere. The deepest of scarlet appeared to be escaping from her chest. And there kneeled Mortmain, leaning over her, shaking her and screaming at her.

"Wake up! No! You can't die, I won't allow it!"

Once again, Will didn't give his mind time to think things through before he felt himself charging through the room towards the monster leaning over Tessa. At some point he had unknowingly grabbed a Seraph Blade from his weapons belt. "Raphael," the boy spoke before stabbing the blade into this wicked man. He didn't care enough to watch the fire burn through his chest, he had to help Tessa.

"Tessa. Tessa! Please, oh please don't die. You can't die. I need you!" His pleas laced with pain and torment didn't help. Tessa's chest stopped rising and falling. Her body had gone slack and limp in his arms. _No, no, no._ Will was openly sobbing now. He didn't care who found him like this, he didn't even think properly." _I've lost everything."_

Will had arrived in time to witness Thomas's death and now this! This was too much, his walls crumbled down and he sat there, weeping and cradling Tessa's limp body against his own. He didn't know how long he sat there, how much time had passed since he had raced to the Institute. All Will noticed was the sudden embrace of arms around his body. Only heard the blurred voices of those now surrounding him. The boy slowly lifted his head to find Charlotte trying to tear Tessa from his arms and Jem trying to ask Will something. . At some point Henry had joined them and was now helping Charlotte take Tessa from Will. He didn't care what he was saying _, nothing matters anymore._ Eventually Will gave in and let Charlotte tear the girl from his arms.

As soon as Tessa was out of his arms, Will jumped up to his feet and ran towards the door-free entrance to the Sanctuary. _You've got to leave. They shouldn't have seen you like that- so vulnerable, so weak._ That wasn't him. William Herondale was neither weak nor vulnerable. He already knew that Jem loved him, but Henry and Charlotte… they can't ever see him like that. The state of exposed weakness that he had shown, it would make him seem lovable. They couldn't ever love him, he would make sure of it.

" _Everyone who loves you will die._ "

He kept running, he didn't notice he had stopped in the corridor until thin violinist fingers curled around his shoulder. "William. You can't just shut everyone out. You need help and to be surrounded by people who love you." _Love. That's the problem James! They can't love me! I feel as if Tessa might have seen right through him… that would make sense. Tessa was a good person who fell for a cursed man. This was the Curses sick way of killing her. She was cursed to die for her love, and the demon sent her death in the form of Mortmain. That nasty, foul, monster. He paid for what he did to her. Although, if Will hadn't been so worried about Tessa, he would've dragged it out, made it last-_ "William!"

He raised his gaze from the ground and his eyes met his parabati's. "No Jem… I don't need help, only I can help myself."

"Will, you need help, I can see right through you. However much you'd rather deny it, Tessa is gone and you have to cope with that. You can't just run away from all of your problems, let us help you!" Their eyes locked, and it was too much. Too many events had happened that night, Will couldn't focus, couldn't form his thoughts into words. This wasn't like him, he could always manipulate words into whatever he wanted, but when he locked eyes with Jem, say the love and care in his silver eyes. "Okay… Okay. I'm not okay."

Jem wrapped his arms around him in an embrace. "And that's okay Will. We'll get through this together."


End file.
